If you ever thought I would say that in this life time you might also be see an entire generation of genetically advanced hairless Indians with dicks bigger than an Iphone. To set things straight I have always loved Bombay and I may end up dying a natural death saying the same thing. I will also never accept the city as Mumbai and it will always remain Bombay for me, so deal with it.

I'm not sure how many might relate to what I am about to rant. This might not be a direct indication of one's intellect or his/her capabilities to decide things for oneself. But at some time everyone meets people who like hating the city they live in, and they take it as a serious hobby. It is the only form of primary intellectual masturbation some might get when they ask : "Ok, you tell me what do you like about this city? I just want to leave". My first response, and any first response is usually to ask them why they are still here. Not that there is a radioactive epidemic everywhere else that keeps you here.

To start with of the 30 years I have inhabited the earth and tried to deplete the natural and food resources, I've spent more than 2 decades falling in love with Bombay over and over again, one day at a time. If a few bad roads, a few slums can make you feel bad about the city that gives you uninterrupted power supply, awesome public transport, food, supplies and anything else you need at any point in the day, people that offer help at the drop of a hat; im really not sure what you are setting as your benchmark.

Living in a city and hating it, for me is like buying a short tee-shirt and pulling it down every now and then because you think your ass crack might make a sighting. Its like a girl who wears a tee with a slogan and when people want to read it they feel letched at. You made your choices and even if you didnt, and you were born in this city; you still can make your choice. Go to a place you think is a better city than bombay. Or wait. Is it so that you hate the country all together. I'm not dealing with that right now, ill tackle that another day. I might have to be on sedatives to make sure i dont curse.

So the question still remains. Why are we still here? The answer is obvious and emerged the unanimous winner from a poll conducted among all my limited sensibilities, restricted brain power and anything else, i might not be good at; Pick another city to live in. Going by sheer averages, the number of people I came across in the last decade among family, friends, acquaintances who hate bombay; had they left the city we would also be answering the primary cause of concern these people had in the first place. Population in the city. If I may earnestly ask you to please follow your gut and leave this city, will you do it. No you wont. I guess its a problem that infests all of us, including me. We are beautifully trained to identify problems through the grades of education we run through, but we seldom want to be part of the solution. We love delegation. We all want better security for ourselves, but we dont want to take up police jobs. There is one cop for more than a 1000 people in bombay.

I believe, and firmly so that most whiners would not leave the city even though the hate grows with every morning they wake up in the city because they have families who have worked all their lives in bombay through jobs, businesses and other means to make livings. they would complain too but never leave. Taking into account that most indian families are non-nuclear till date, we would have a situation because the people in question would need to go grounds up in a new city. Chicken might be the word to use. Take a test, move out of bombay and live in a delhi, noida or even a tier 2 city. Try nagpur for fkk sake and see if you can make a calendar year without wanting to come back to bombay. I bet my balls you will. Fkk I'll give my domain name to you if you dont.

I feel strongly about my city and even if education and work must have taken me to different cities over the last decade or so, the distance only makes me love the city all the more. I dont hate you or the reasons you hate the city, you are intelligent enough to understand your choices, but a choice is what is not made. It makes me dig out an email a friend wrote to us after bombay was being called a hapless city after a terrorist attack and some started shit slinging through forwarded emails. Thought, i'll share it with people here. I know the length of the this blog is more than the number of words on your american admission transcripts, but what the fkk:
"

My dad moved here in 1967 when he was 21 from a rural place and has sweated it out ever since, head bowed down, working hard each day, grateful to the city, the culture. He is a proud man today. He tells me stories from some of his olden days. The chawls, sharing rooms, the food. He loves the trains, the buses. He plays the radio everyday with old songs, and I think he goes back to his early days of toil in this city. Never have I heard him blame the city.

I have thanked heavens many a time for that moment when my Dad took that decision of moving to this city. I think his reaction at such a time matters.

Mumbai is about people. You find characters, personalities, this confidence which others in our country envy. I have lived in Gujarat for 4 years, Rajasthan for 2 and I have felt this sense of respect just because I am from Mumbai. Plus I have relatives spread out, and they send out a similar signal.

I felt like writing this because I have always felt out of place with such outbursts. I would never understand why some of my colleagues during our international travel would talk negatively about our country at the drop of a hat. When economists, global leaders, thinkers talk so highly of what we have in store. You take so much from the people you meet when you travel, and what a wrong way to represent where you come from. I also felt like writing because there are Non Mumbaikars on the thread, and it pains to see a wrong message sent out to them.

Some of the most 'livable' cities are plain boring. Mundane. Pretty showpieces. Ironed well. Old money from colonies they conquered and fed their planners well, who created such marvels. Your jaw drops at the planning. But why do they bore me out? And their rulers wouldn't have taken a backward step in their growth heydays if they felt attacked. They had an eye for an eye.

And what about security. Pick up a lonely planet and they warn you about thugs and late night crime in a lot of the big global cities. I am out late hours and things are smooth here.

I am deeply attached to Mumbai, it has given me everything. I would be half the man without this attachment, something would go horribly missing if I stop feeling it. A lot of this anti-mumbai sentiment is spreading, but hey choose your enemy well. The traffic snarls will all go away. The city is your friend.

"

Till then..

For a world where memories would self-destruct in 5 minutes