Cant think of a name for this

I tried really hard though...

Aaaj Itna hi.. somehow manage

Serious Lack of time in the last few days has made me not post shit here....did u just believe that.. naaah!! thats all bullshit..Fact is im trying to come to terms with the fact that Im finally moving cities again.. no no no.. not yet.. this post is not about moving cities..

As a matter of fkkin fact.. I have seen this happen with me more often than not.. every time i get myself used to posting daily.. and then i miss a day..the day after i feel fkked up about the fact that i didnt write something and that there is a void.. there is something that I missed out on tellin ppl about.. or just jack that didnt make sense to anyone.. or shit that no one cares.. but then thats my way of makin myself believe that my blog has crazy following... ( yaaiikkess thats gay)

Nonetheless, fkk that shit.. 

I dont wanna get on a crazzy thought train at this point in time

P.S: this is the first time in history of writing, would have someone used P.S right in the middle or somewhere around there of a post hahaha..

Mom just made the awesomest breakfast as I write this..she thinks im going to a new city so she might as well give me what i like ... perks perks perks.. ( ohh btw.. its not something out of the world.. but something that i love since i was a kid.. I love fried food.. as most of you would have known by now. I got myself a plate full of pakodas.. batter dipped, deep fried potatoes and slices of bread.. I love that shit like nothin else)

 

Ohh Btw... if u were just wondering what those pictures say.. they say nothin jack.. they are just there coz i clicked them... I didnt intend to do some kinda major shit with them.. they are just there..

 

Till then

For a world of free travel

Shit Happened

Shit_happened

Im not the kinda person who would do 2 blog posts in a day.. but last night I was about to do that.. I have no clue why I was so against it..but somehow i talked myself out of it.. 

Nonetheless..why I wanted to do this last night is, it was daiiimmm fresh on the top of my head.. 

So its like this.. after a good evening with old friends and new acquaintances at Ignite Mumbai I had 2 experiences that were a first time for me in my life line thus far..and it sure didnt feel right.. it took me by surprise..

  • First up.. the crowd moves to a watering hole and everyones pretty much doing what they do best.. drink and yapp.. I wasnt drinking coz I was driving ( u know this sucks.. I always think I shouldnt have driven today.. that way I could have had a drink or 2..and then some more..and some more..fkkk that )..a lill later people started moving out ( u know its a Saturday and people already have plans and shit)...and then the routine..hand shakes....hugs of the social butterflies..last minute small talks and all the jack in the world..did happen.. but what happened after that is what made me do this post..by now all those who had to leave had left but for one.. so this person says bye and shit..and i respond but at my sweet pace...( what is being said next.. imagine this in slow -mo)..now I get my hand to move from its dead man position up to enable it to shake some other hand...and that person at the same time initiates a turn to start walking out.. and what fkkin luck..subject misses the hand coming abso-fkkin-lutely... What happens next is a tad bit obvious to all here.. there are 3-4 guys who notice this and we all laugh about it.. but for the 3-4 seconds that I stood there with my arm out... I looked like someone who was hit by a water balloon..( btw..if its been a long time since uve been hit by a balloon.. ur first reaction is to take ur hands away from the wet shirt and then try to see the wet part of ur shirt. by bending ur neck in a weird angle.. thats human for u)


  • Dont change the setting yet.. we are still in the same room.. in the same bye bye bye mode ( fkkk nsync did make that track.. how can u call some track bye bye bye)..So another guy walkin out who i hadnt met this whole evening.. comes up to me and says.. hi and something which i dint hear..so I thought he must have given his name..So i tell him mine ..courtesy sake.. Fkkk No.. he didnt give his name.. he asked what my Twitter handle was... Im like whattt... did u just say that.. do u mean that.. u have no regard for my real name.. I might fkkin be Osama or Obama on twiiter.. are u fkkin gonna judge me on my twitter handle... daaiiimmm... u need to be handled with care..I mean what the fkk has this world come up to..
Till Then 
For a world full of strangers

P.S: Ignite Mumbai was awesome. You can check the updates looking for the #ignitemumbai (hastag) on twitter.. or see them on their website link postd above.

Weird Dreams....Weirder Neighbourhood.... Risky Night

So I have this firm..firmer..firmest belief that Im practically sending out the wrong signals to my audience..(if whoever reads my blaag qualifies as audience or just another person who might be my type..mentally beyond economic repair.) 

But there is not much I can do to change this perception coz thats all that I can do normally.. 

I dont find it far from normal that I usually have weird thoughts and dreams..here is some of the shit that runs through my head

  • When I hit the sack after I drive late nights, inevitably I have these dreams where I meet with a crash and Totalled my car and dont live
  • Once a month or a fortnight.. (Im just trying to make this sound periodic..but im not sure of a time line but this shit happens)..I have this dream where Im sinking in a desert. cant breathe and am generally have something the size of a pumpkin trying to make its way through my throat choking me.. Killer feeling.. i usually sweat my pillow after this shit
  • When I drive I compulsively avoid pulling my car off from the 4th gear to the 2nd.. its a weird habit but even on a turn where i need to kill the speed.. I push from 4th to 3rd to 2nd..
  • I feel dangerously pissed when ppl start questioning me..mostly because I can sense what direction they are treading and I don't want people to give me sermons on somethings I don't wanna discuss.. 
  • hmmm and a whole lotta other shit that any one who claims to analyze dreams would love working on...but screw that shit.. 

 

I have a lot weirder neighborhood that I stay in..weird ppl talking and walking all around giving me plenty of photo ops and time to have fun at their expense..have captured a few of these in this post..( check snaps)

Ohh last night was also another night that I was driving late.. and I was conscious all the time that I would dream my dream all over again.. u know what I mean..( read bulleted point 1 above)..

Had gone over to Avinash's place..with Sanal and Farhan.. to play some RISK.. its an awesome board game which i took an hour to understand by the new rules.. and finally played it the classic way.. (please google to find out what these ways are)..headed out for some Bhurji pav later in the night and then drove back home ( whats worse i had forgotten to carry my licence last night)..I dont have a pretty exciting life.. as u can see from what i write here..but im trying to make whatever I can of these sodding  years...

P.S: this is the first time im uploading images from the posterous interface so Im not sure in what order they come through.. if u see three tired men lying on a bed.. thats after we risked our life playing the board game. and then the other way round.. 

 

Till Then

For a world where u need no licences

Scavenger....Bhangi....Detective

I dont know if any of u guys had this as kids.. but I always thought I could find new things.. u know what I mean.. we dont know what everything is thus far in life and we find things and we try and understand them.. NO.. not that kinda shit.. I knew I wasnt a genius.. I was perfectly alright with dealing with the limited things I knew about.. when I say find new things I mean always keep looking for things that u know about, in newer places.. 

I genuinely had this problem where I would go to places (with or without family..depending on the distance to be covered and the number of turns taken my brain could memorize.. which i think u can pretty well analyze would be daiiimm bad)..This could be either at a neighbours place..some new classroom in school...some new restaurant.. some new place in the building premises ( yeah I didnt know my entire building till I was half way through school.. or even more)...later in life I got responsibility and got to travel on the road by myself (yeah i used to get eggs and bread every morning.. that was my job in vacations)

Retarded as this sounds it became a habit for me to keep looking around for things... things that didnt belong to me.. things that people might have dropped around...things other careless people might have forgotten somewhere..things ppl might have no use for and I might appreciate the being of that thing..and I started doing this shit irrespective of people being around me or the other way round..

Yeah so family was amused in the beginning and took it lightly till it became a fascination for me.. I was like in treasure island.. but when it got on to their nerves.. they decided it had to go and they started playing bad cop with me.. called me names every time i came home with something that wasnt mine.. I was called names like Bhangi Scavenger alternatively.. But i took pride in it.. and i later realized i could walk away with shit if I didnt show them what i found today

So an average round trip to buy bread and eggs from a guy ( this guy had golden hair and sounded like he had throat cancer...and at that time he had a Rs.10 coin which he had shown me.. and i had my eye on..) would take an average 15 mins which could get wrapped up in 5 in ideal conditions.. 

I also had a lucky path which i used to tread once a week.. and generally used to find some junk there.. I have also been lucky at times and found a whole lotta bounty over time..Some of my lucky catches have been as follows:

  • A Pack of Chiclets Chewing Gum ( i dont know if the current generation even know that shit.. chic chic chiclets)
  • A Rs.50/- Note  ( yeah that could have been the lottery that changed my life)
  • A golden eyed Marble ( the big one)
  • A big Ball Bearing
  • A semi circular Magnet
  • My first Pen..although it worked for just 5 mins.. ( yeah I didnt get my first official pen till I went beyond class 5..coz thats what the school said..til class 5..only pencils)
  • My first Tennis Ball ( Tennis balls were not the shit at that time.. Rubber balls were..and it was like today where people play with 3 -4 rubber balls in hand and spare..u buy one and u keep it for alleast ur vacation)
  • and a whole lotta shit that i used to collect
Not that this was a one of thing that i had as a kid.... it actually went along and grew with me.. and was my kinda only hobby.. any new apt my dad bought.. any new office my dad moved to.. any new place i visited.. any hotel room.. any hotel lobby..premises..and new tourist place... I would generally sneak out and try and look for those odd things lying around.. and may be in the closet..There was this one tuition teacher..whose place i used to go to..and she left me at her place all alone while she went out to get her self some fish.. I looked around her things..i didnt know what i was lookin for.. but yeah I was lookin.. just simply..

Dont be scared of calling me to ur place.. I dont steal things..

Till then
For a world where we do have wonderlands 

Huston..We have a problem..Do U?

I always had a belief that most people are retarded to some extent. This had more to do with feeling secure about me being one and not being an anomaly.. but screw that shit.. I still know most of us have some thing messed up somewhere..

And because this is my blog...this has to be about me. 

So this might sound totally weird but when I walk..on the street in the house..or any god damn place.. I make it point to avoid diagonals and edges and cuts etc...

I dont what happened when but for as long as i can remember I avoided walkin on the lines the break 2 concrete blocks of roads apart..I never stepped on the edges of a manhole or I never walked around a pillar stepping on the line that would be its exact diagonal stemming out from the corners.. 

I know this sounds majorly retarded..and yeah I know we have a problem here...I have had instances when i have cut down my steps to avoid the block breaks.. I dont know if ppl do this too.. but I find it distrubing at times coz i cant walk freely.. Im always looking out for these things.. parked cars.. pillars.. poles.. shadows of pillars.. shadows of poles.. and I do this all the more when Im alone..When ppl are walkin or moving with me I do it with a sub conscious mind.. but its dangerously conscious when im all alone..

I think i might get all the more finicky about things in due course of time as i grow old.. and I think i know where this is coming from.. 

on a lighter note.. there are days when i think i dont walk on these lines and shit coz i think i might crack open the ground walking on them.. they might just not be able to take the pressure.. 

I was sitting last night and just generally watchin some movies..and i tried to picture a bottle of water in the backlight of the TV..

Till then
For a world full of Psychos

Aam..Aam ki Gutli.....and Android

So I did have my first Mango for the season..and trust me going by the usual season standards, Ive started early..

As a Kid, (I seriously think I was retarded as a kid and something went right in course of time and may be I became alright) I hated mangoes and couldnt get myself to eat them, or so my Dad keeps telling me. 

There could be 2 ways to conclude this. Its either one of those things among a hundred that my dad has been telling me about my childhood, and is not right, u know, just to cover up for the retarded part of my life.. Like the times when I thought Santa came to meet me on Christmas eve..and for some years Dad actually kept presents on the window sill. I guess he must have convinced me later about the retirement plans or death of Santa, and heaved a sigh of relief..

The other possible reason for him trying to tell me I hated mangoes, is for him to make me try and do some irreversible to my damage by trying to remember a retarded life I dont have a clue about..and in the process forget about the primary exhibit at this point in time.. The Effinn Mango..

Daaaaiiimmmm.... that was a lot of conspiracy theory for 2 lines

So cutting back to the present day.. In the last couple of years, I have somehow developed or  re-developed this non-liking towards mangoes ( that was two hyphenated words in a sentence.. is that right)..No specific reason as such.. 

Actually there is..apart from the fact that eating a mango is the messiest job in the world..but I personally cant claim to have the best table experiences with mess.... 

It is something we call the Gulti...Aam ki Gutli..(Gutli..the seed)..As you can see in the image in this post ( specifically put up for visual aid)..the Gutli has like a 100 million tentacle like fibers coming off its head. These fibers are sucked on and juiced  out by us humans orally in a quest to suck out all the mango pulp from the top of the seed...

Trust me its not a pleasant sight to see educated men and women suck on mango seeds and go for the kill as if it had some potion to give them immortality..in the process coating their hands with mango juice and pulp, and also ending up with a mango mustache...only to lick it all off..

If you can live through this process, coz this is not my problem...mine starts now...Exactly when you are too lost in being the first person to attain mango bliss sucking the life out of the seed...the seed deposits its fibers in the small gap between my incisors...you know ..the 2 bunny teeth you have right in the front..( i dont have bunny teeth..its just to help u relate to what im saying)

So these effing fibers like stay there..irrespective of how many tooth picks I use.. teenage days I remember waking up in the night and using pins.. geometry compasses to relieve myself of the pain..pain.. because this fiber shit get solidified and then it goes to cut your tongue everytime u talk or eat or do shit which has to do with your tongue moving...

I know life sucks.. and its worse for some..So now every season I barely eat a couple of mangoes.. and am generally on Pulp..Aam Ras..if thats what it is..

Ohh and dont suggest brushing ..coz i Do that.. that would be the gayest comment of all times...

My Dad is looking for a phone and guess what .. hes going the Android way..goign by the usual standards... I am generally a step orr 2 ahead of him when we talk technology..which means I will have to buy a satellite phone to beat him at what he is doing now.. ur  thinking why I cant buy an android myself..no thats not the point.. we cant have the same thing happening.. 

Lotta shit happening...hoping to keep it simple and sane..

Till then
For a world where trees had fruits in ziplocks with tooth picks

I wanna be a Valet Driver.................Do u go Commando in summers

So I was at Hard Rock Cafe (HRC) for some.. (I still dont know why people cant simply call it hard rock cafe.. its such a good name..funny part is ..everyone called it Hard Rock Cafe..till it came to India.. now its just another cheap place in the alley..so give it a name u want..I feel sorry for abbrs)

Screw that Im not here to discuss peoples mannerisms. Whilst the bands scheduled for performances we doing their stuff, I decided I wanna give myself some smoke time, and I did. This was already half way through the night, and I moved out of the building premises to get me a bottle of water too. Walking around I saw a flurry of cars that were making a bee line to get into the building, mostly for Shiro's and then some more for Hard Rock Cafe. What surprised me most is the way these beauties and beasts were being man- handled by the valet drivers. They have no grace and absolutely no respect for what those cars are and what they mean to the owners.

I almost lost my balls for a second when I saw this S class almost sniff a Q7's ass with its nose tip. The S Class Valet Driver then backed up and tried to maneuver around the Q7 and barge first into the parking lot, almost at a time when the Q7 started moving, and they are now stuck at a turn. Id love to be a valet driver at a place where you can drive these beasts, and alleast give them the respect they need. All my life I have hated Valet drivers, coz they are your typical non-drivers who have learnt to drive and perfect the art of parallel parking driving Your Car. Thats messed up..

By now you would have also concluded another thing.. If not then your analytical skills are not as strong as they should be to read this blog..Nonetheless Ill break it to you..I am not one who can be found frequenting night spots, bars, lounges, and whatever else thee is to the night.. Its an odd day that I move out, and I try and just stand around and see people and trends that people follow and what is it that makes them do what they do...

Which is exactly where my second thought comes in from.. Do you go Commando in Summers.. Coz last night I saw it was quite a trending topic..

Now before you take your obviously missing analytical skills to the next level, let me tell you.... NO.. I dont always look out for underwear trends.. nor do I spot people with or without them..Its just that it was pretty daaiiimmm obvious last night..There are days when It is a good feeling to go commando.. but do you do it for summers alone.. I dont mind any season.. a few days every season is pretty good fun.. 

Also, had plans to check out some Butter Chicken at Janta in Bandra, as recommended by Cyrill Briggs.. Turns out that the people riding with me were not hungry and I was the only guy who wanted to grab some buttered chicken..some other time then..

Till then
For a world where (your)God is a Valet Driver

smoke paint snacks and underwear

As a kid I remember myself not liking the smell of a lit cigarette, feeling suffocated moreso. This comes from the fact that my Dad used to smoke, and i never liked it. Come College and I practically surrounded by smokers, compulsive and some just keeping up with the fad. I always though to myself, What the Heck is up with Smoking!! whats the big deal.

And to finally figure this out, I went out one day bought a cigarette and decided I wanted to try it. Still remember that first smoke, I was scared Ill burn my nose while I light it up (hahahaahahaha).... A couple of drags and I wasnt coughing at all, made me think I am a natural at this. Half way through the cigarette i was feeling heavy as shit and before I knew it I had decided to stand and walk to enjoy the high, and I was lying on the floor. I dont know how this happened, but it was fun. An hour later, I was finishing off the cigarette and heading to college to tell the gang of boys that I knew what they felt when they smoked. Only to realize in due course of time the high is only a first timers and is not a daily affair.

Screw that.. am still smoking.. and i dont know till when...

The Stairwell of my apartment is getting painted and they just forget to put up a wet paint sign.. have already messed up 2 teeshirts and my hand once with the paint...

Screw that too.. I got a picture of theirs and also of something that belongs to them

Yeah I know u see that underwear hung op on the clothes line there.. Beat that for a brand.. 

Till then

For a world with a lot lesser thought

Day in Pictures, Night in Words

So I saw Hurt Lokcer last night..I also saw The Blind Side last week..(psstt.. I totally promote piracy)..

I still dont get it though.. whats the whole deal about this Hurt Locker thing..whats so great about it.. its just another war movie from I-Rack (thats how the Americans say it right)..It didnt even play the Elridge character well. Wasnt he the guy who was most disturbed by the war, but instead they play with James who is a hardened war junkie and put him in another camp for 365 days. 

Allright I might not have taken Movie appreciation classes, or I might not have the sensitivity to qualify to be not called a prick, But I know one thing for sure, I have seen way better war movies. Now all ya smart asses out there dont come telling me this is a different kinda war movie where they try to work on the sensibilities of the people at war, and the trauma they have borne. 

BULL-SHIT I say.. I didnt see no extraordinary feat that beat Avatar at the Oscars. James would be sulkin that his wifey(ex) took something away from him in 1/8th the budget. I dont relate to that shit and I dont want to. And none of you posers out there can relate either so stop pretending that you can. You dont know what a war is, coz u havent seen one ( No kargil doesnt count as a war)..

All in All just another ordinary movie. 

Ohh  And Yeah, I didnt have a midnight snack ( the chicken u see in the pictures was in the evening)

The Blind Side doesnt have too much magic either, nor does it boast of a subject thats too hard hitting (or apparently so).. Sandra Bullock for once was good and thats all thats there to the movie..

Im not a movie critic, but neither is anyone else.. I wanted to barrff some shit out here.. and so I did.. 

Till Then

For a world that ends w/o a war

Another day Another place

have had a lot of free time at hand these last few months, and am moving around a lot with my camera. Like I mentioned earlier too travelling in public transport makes me think better. 

This odd day I was thinking.. There are some good photography days when u and ur camera just connect and it does just what u want it to.. and then there are some when u just dont know what its up to..

I think this was the other kinda day..Nonetheless it was a day in my life and here is it.. 

Till Then

For a world that doesnt suck