So I was thinking if it would be right to make to posts over one weekend..i know..its not that big a deal but off late I seriously have been thinking I am runnin out of content..by virtue of the adaptation to 140 characters that I blurt out on twitter...Like Bjorn says twitter is just 140 characters.. there is no way it can not let you blog..

Nonetheless, I wasnt getting too much sleep one of these nights and I had nothing to do, so I decide to run through my own blog. Am not sure if that is a regular with people but its been a long time since I have actually seen the shit I am pouring on these pages..which made me think again

Has everyone read their own blog.. I know if I have to speak for myself..I dont..a few reasons for the same.

• There is this whole pride thing associated with every post..like immediately after making a post
• I always like to soak in the glory of the apparent masterpiece I have just completed..
• I then track the initial traffic the blog gets after making the post and i refresh the page like every half hour to see how many more people learnt something from me today
• I also have this theory..where in I have come to believe that a previous post might be read lesser if I make a new post to follow it quickly..However reading through my blog that night I see that I have blogged daily for sometime..
• Once a comment is made on a post, I like to keep it untouched for sometime..I have no clue why.. but yeah..its just a thing

Im getting so driven by the read your own blog thing that I read what ive written thus far before I posted it...and I realized ive drifted away from the topic that i initially started with..so do yu read your own blog..I think we should..especially the ones like me who are not professional bloggers.. just to keep in touch with the true essence of the blog.. and to see if we are losing touch..

Im reading your blogs though.. so dont worry.. ill let you know if ur off track..

Till then..

For a world where blogs were intelligent and responsive..

Sala Bhaarat mein kitna gareebi hai be... This has been running in my head since the morning and may be even before..but its not something that dawned upon me just today.. every fkking day I take a rick ride back home some rick guy has a sad story and it makes me feel fkked up about cribbing about a bad day at work..

I mean seriously take a look at our lives.. compare to some one else who survives a month with the money your company is paying as your daily cost..dont give me the bull shit that these guys didnt get the education so they didnt make it.. and the other over done line " If i was born in a family that had such a life i would have made good of whatever i had"...Bull shit i say..

So my rick guy tells me today:

Rick: Saab kya mehengaai hai ...kitna kharcha hai
Me: Kya karen..aisa hi hai
Rick: Aap to bol sakte ho aisa hi hai.. mereko roz auto chalake ghar mein 6 log ka pet bharna padta hai
Me: Kitna kama lete ho
Rick: Rickshaw ka bhada 300 ..gas ka 100 nikal ke.. din ka 400- 500 ban jata hai..room ka kiraya 1500 mahina.. bachhe ka school..(pata nahi kitne din chalega)
Me: Hmmm
Rick: haath mein kuch nahi bachta mahina khatam hote hote..
Me: Kahan se ho
Rick: Gaon hai sir UP mein aapne suna bhi nahi hoga
Me: Ghar bhi paisa bhejte ho kya
Rick: 3-4 mahine mein ek baaar

My bloody chai wala sleeps in the open.. a spider sprayed some excreta on him and now he has a dangerous wound near his eye and on his face.. still recovering.. fkk tht shit dude.. we are thinking of mosquitoes..

Sala B******D i felt bad that i bargained for the rick charges too.. Lekin seriously.. the amount of money we spend on one nights booze.. or a lunch away from work is the amount he might make in one week.. or lesser.. and this is not below poverty line... I know what ur thinking.. I tell myself the same thing.. Well think of it for sometime and then well be on our way to some wine shop again.. but alleast i stopped for a minute and thought of it.. for a day..

how many more years do we need to move on from being a gareeb desh..

Fkk that shit.. itna gareebi hai India mein  and my Mom wants me to get married.. and how... she is frantically looking for chics.. (chics hide)..so my mom goes to the classifieds office and picks up a standard draft of a matrimonial and changes a few keywords and puts me up on sale.. thats it.. that all it took for her to populate her mailbox with replies and be happy about it..

she doesnt stop there.. she starts sending me these profiles.. ... fkk yeah.. profiles.. so apparently the trend is to have a matrimonial CV these days.. i was running through those emails and seeing CVs as if I'm supposed to give these chics a job... fkk that shit... im still not thinking of getting married...im never planning on getting married.. but yeah for my mom's sake.. alleast for now im not getting married..

Imagine.. shaadi.. shaadi shopping.. actual shaadi.. shaadi recption.. shaadi means 100-200 people eat for free (ive taken a lower number)..beat the figure for some significant money..

and the expenses dont stop at shaadi... fkk why do people even get married and spend so much when they eventually will have a bad marriage and always think of an easy way out.. fkkk it..i want a divorce...

Get a life.. and let me live mine..Im better off alone..who said everyone needs to get married anyways

I think this is not the Ball-Talks kinda post.. but what the hell.. its my blog.. my wish.. ill do anything i want..

Till then..

For a world devoid of monetary worries and pleasee no shaadi

Warning: The content of this post might by far be the grossest (aleast for some). Subject to parental guidance for kids. For people with less than 3 toilet anecdotes  in life thus far, this might be an indecent post and not to taste. Please use discretion.

To Do or Not to Do is a question, the answer to which eludes one and all.. the question I ask today is a third degree derivation of the ohh so profound question..

"To Goo or Not To Goo"

Let it sink in for sometime.. think about it..how many times have you been faced with this question in life. Also think of the myriad answers you came up with for this simple question.. 

for sake of poetic pleasure, ill ask again

"To Goo or Not To Goo"

So I like taking a dump at office..ive said this before i get a sense of belonging by taking a shit at work..but there are a few questions that I ask myself at times on the pot and at times while evaluating the pot..I guess most of you must have too..

• Who would have graced the throne before me?
• the answer to the above can be derived by closely watching the loo and the entry and exit times of the people visiting it. I can do this easily as the loo is visible from across 2 rows of cubicles
• Depending on what the answer to this is, I would choose to goo or not to goo on my floor, or choose the next
• How badly do you need to goo?
• A simple test to this is to walk up to the loo and get a feeler. If it calls you might as well do it. Another test that you could take is the tea / smoke test. Try these to see if you can hold up, you are not ready yet.
  
• Am I really done?
• Somehow at office I can never feel satisfied at the end of it. I have inferred that its mostly because of the short supply of time, or the conscious effort to get done soon.

Apart from these there are a few things that I have observed about mannerisms of people who take a dump at work.

• They always keep looking around when they step out, just to make sure they know all those who are looking at him and know they've done it
• The facial expressions change from that of "daiiimmm you caught me" to that of "I dont give a fkk" after they cross the first row of cubicles
• When ur on the pot in the thick of the action and you hear that sound.. I know u know it..the sound of the door opening and someone walking in..(daaiiimmm u were thinking of a fart...saaaddd)..its the worst thing to happen
• This is the most crucial moment in those 5 minutes that you spend as an office dumper
• First it makes you daiimm conscious because the person who stepped in is unaware of someone taking a shit already
• You avoid making sounds and hold your breath at times too
• Fkked up when you have a bout of indigestion and something we call loose motions...daaaiiiimmm
• You never know if the person left or a new person came in when the door opens again  FAIL
• All this contemplation increases your time spent in the loo and thus makes the looks on the faces outside even more suspicious
• For a serial office shitter these rules might change as they are now used to the looks, the sounds (they make and people make) and have grown in confidence through office jokes 
• Confidence also boosts up when someone else comes knocking on the door coz all other cubicles are full and you walk out saying "Hey .. wassup"
  

A few cautions:

• Always check cleaning / wiping supplies before you get into the act
• Always carry your phone, just in case you didnt check the supplies before
  
• Always keep your phone on Silent / Vibrate

Over a period of time I have realized its a thing I love doing, moreso now that Im not in my own city / home. I leave home without breakfast and tea. Have some on the way and relieve myself at work.

Till then

For a world where shit pay per load

I have been told a few times on and off that most of my feeds are on twitter and simultaneously on facebook.. I tried justifying it earlier (i dont know why the fkk) but i really didnt care..

So I have been giving it a thought and I have a theory..

I believe there are 2 kinds of people in and around Social Media (i have no idea what the fkk is social media and what people do at social media meets..do they tweet each other..or tag people on facebook)

• Content Feeders
• Content Generators
• Viral Victims
• Content Readers

I'm not too sure which category I fall under in the grid here, but Im sure there have been times when I felt like a Feeder and times as a Reader..Viral Victims are degenerates of the highest order and make sure they share alleast 10 videos a day from youtube..with the worst video quality.. these kind of people are mostly happy doing baby videos all day and sending links to friends (i dont know how they have any)..Im definitely not here..

Being a content generator I take it upon myself as a moral responsibility to feed my audience with content to read at all times..(this has come from the whole lot of times I have spent online looking for something decent to read or run through and couldn't find much on the Saturdays I work) .. I feel guilty when I put something up on Twitter and my Facebook feed readers are deprived of content...and the other way round..i couldn't cope up with this ohh soo bad turmoil and I decided I will continue to feed content to both parts of the world..

enough of this shit.. now time to bitch..

There is this bitch at work who licks ass so bad..so bad...so bad its not even close to sticky..im sure the tongue is brown..

Is it just me or does everyone feel comfortable taking a dump at work.. I bet the sense of belonging by doing so.. its crazy..

Till then..

For a world where information flows as freely as porn..