Warning: The content of this post might by far be the grossest (aleast for some). Subject to parental guidance for kids. For people with less than 3 toilet anecdotes  in life thus far, this might be an indecent post and not to taste. Please use discretion.

To Do or Not to Do is a question, the answer to which eludes one and all.. the question I ask today is a third degree derivation of the ohh so profound question..

"To Goo or Not To Goo"

Let it sink in for sometime.. think about it..how many times have you been faced with this question in life. Also think of the myriad answers you came up with for this simple question.. 

for sake of poetic pleasure, ill ask again

"To Goo or Not To Goo"

So I like taking a dump at office..ive said this before i get a sense of belonging by taking a shit at work..but there are a few questions that I ask myself at times on the pot and at times while evaluating the pot..I guess most of you must have too..

• Who would have graced the throne before me?
• the answer to the above can be derived by closely watching the loo and the entry and exit times of the people visiting it. I can do this easily as the loo is visible from across 2 rows of cubicles
• Depending on what the answer to this is, I would choose to goo or not to goo on my floor, or choose the next
• How badly do you need to goo?
• A simple test to this is to walk up to the loo and get a feeler. If it calls you might as well do it. Another test that you could take is the tea / smoke test. Try these to see if you can hold up, you are not ready yet.
  
• Am I really done?
• Somehow at office I can never feel satisfied at the end of it. I have inferred that its mostly because of the short supply of time, or the conscious effort to get done soon.

Apart from these there are a few things that I have observed about mannerisms of people who take a dump at work.

• They always keep looking around when they step out, just to make sure they know all those who are looking at him and know they've done it
• The facial expressions change from that of "daiiimmm you caught me" to that of "I dont give a fkk" after they cross the first row of cubicles
• When ur on the pot in the thick of the action and you hear that sound.. I know u know it..the sound of the door opening and someone walking in..(daaiiimmm u were thinking of a fart...saaaddd)..its the worst thing to happen
• This is the most crucial moment in those 5 minutes that you spend as an office dumper
• First it makes you daiimm conscious because the person who stepped in is unaware of someone taking a shit already
• You avoid making sounds and hold your breath at times too
• Fkked up when you have a bout of indigestion and something we call loose motions...daaaiiiimmm
• You never know if the person left or a new person came in when the door opens again  FAIL
• All this contemplation increases your time spent in the loo and thus makes the looks on the faces outside even more suspicious
• For a serial office shitter these rules might change as they are now used to the looks, the sounds (they make and people make) and have grown in confidence through office jokes 
• Confidence also boosts up when someone else comes knocking on the door coz all other cubicles are full and you walk out saying "Hey .. wassup"
  

A few cautions:

• Always check cleaning / wiping supplies before you get into the act
• Always carry your phone, just in case you didnt check the supplies before
  
• Always keep your phone on Silent / Vibrate

Over a period of time I have realized its a thing I love doing, moreso now that Im not in my own city / home. I leave home without breakfast and tea. Have some on the way and relieve myself at work.

Till then

For a world where shit pay per load